if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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