In the future we'll all be gay
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
