I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
