Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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