Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
