Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
