he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
