I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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