I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
