Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
