you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
