No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
