There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I got inside last night via doggy door
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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