you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
