i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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