I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
