the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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