k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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