she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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