I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
