I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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