I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
