you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
