If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Who died my cat blue again?
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