Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
