You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
