sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
