Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
