Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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