All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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