My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
