If i come over, it means nothing
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
