is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
