hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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