Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
