I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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