Plan B is the new Plan A
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
