His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
