I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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