so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
