So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
