with your own penis?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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