Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
