I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
