When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
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