Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
