so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
