just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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