Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
