She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
