Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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