U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The power of my boobs compel you
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
