My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
