I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Randomize
