fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
