I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
