I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
